Dear Mitzy,

My wife and I have been married 26 years.  She recently started to be stand- offish to me and I have been worried about this.  I even have times when I think she is seeing someone else.  I sat down with her last week and she and I talked about a few things.  She said that we don't do anything together.  That we go out for dinner once or twice a year.  That we took a vacation together in 1989.  She said she needs some life in her marriage.  Mitzy, she only cooks 6 nights a week.  There is one night a week that I bring burgers home so she doesn't have to cook.  She has a nice life and I can't figure out why she's so unhappy.  Please help me.

Puzzled in Savannah, TN

Dear Puzzled,

Are you clueless or what?  Maybe you need to hit yourself in the forehead with a tack hammer and then read what you have written me.  She needs adventure in her life.  She needs to go out to dinner with you at least once a week.  Someplace nice and romantic.  That vacation in 1989 probably was a fishing trip.  You need to take your wife out on dates.  Flowers, candy, love letters, and togetherness.  You better open your eyes or you'll be alone.  Trying to find someone who'll live with a big spender like you will be very hard.  Make her happy every minute of every day and things in your marriage will come back to life.  Don't forget what I said about the tack hammer pal, you have been very, very bad.

Mitzy